Step 1 on the Road to Authenticity with Erica and Seth – Powerless
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Sometimes people don’t do what they say, or what you expect.
A Customer doesn’t pay you.
A vendor doesn’t deliver on time.
Many things can go wrong.
We are powerless over other people, places and things.
We have no control whatsoever.
It starts with awareness.
We have to be willing and able to recognize where we are powerless.
I have to take responsibility for everything that happens in my company.
Just because I am powerless, doesn’t mean I can’t take responsibility.
Instead of berating someone for making a mistake, I can start working with people. I can say, “maybe I didn’t train properly?” Now I have a solution. Spend more time training and making sure people know how to do what I need them to do.
Now I can do the footwork, but I need to stay out of the results.
We can spend so much time and energy trying to control things we can’t, but when we recognize this, there’s a tremendous sense of freedom. In fact we find we have a lot more time.
On the other side if we don’t’ become aware of it, that frustration leads to anger, and that anger consumes us. It blocks us from progress.
I can’t solve a problem I don’t know I have.
Self cannot reveal itself to self.
If (eg) a client pisses me off, the first thing I have to do is recognize that I’m angry.
When I am angry I am in no shape to solve problems.
Then I have to work towards acceptance.
I have to accept what I cannot change (other people, places and things).
As soon as I become aware of my feelings, I can arrest those feelings.
Emotional Intelligence 2.0
Most people would say they are not reactive because they don’t realize that they aren’t even aware of how their emotions are driving them.
The lack of awareness will cause us to overreact and punish people who don’t deserve it.
I can lose a night of sleep over these things. I start thinking about what I said and what I should have said. What I am experiencing is an obsession of the mind. I can’t stop thinking about it, and then I lose a night of sleep. Then my focus is shot.
We relive these things 100 different ways in our minds, which gets us nowhere.
Living above the line – living life with “real” integrity
One solution is walk away. If you find you are angry with someone, just excuse yourself so you can go cool off.
Next, get out of yourself. Look at the other person with some semblance of compassion and ask yourself, “how can I be of service to this person?” It’s the last thing you want to do with someone you’re angry with, but it is also probably the BEST thing you can do.
Try going out of your way to understand the other person. Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
When my wife was getting frustrated because I wasn’t around much, I needed a mentor to guide me and point out that the reason she is complaining is that she loves me and wants me around. Why would I get upset about that? The thing I should get upset about is if she starts suggesting that she DOESN’T want me around!
Sometimes the best way to diffuse a situation is to remind someone that you are on their side.
We get into these moments where it’s you against me and one of us has to win.
But if we’re on the same team then we both get to win!
When you operate from a place of being of service to others, you make yourself invaluable. When you make yourself invaluable to others you get better job security, or if you’re in business for yourself, you get to keep your clients and charge more.
When you practice things like meditation, you learn to give yourself the pause you need so that you aren’t reactive.
I use Calm.com to meditate. It makes it easy.
The mind is like a cup of muddy water. The more you let it settle, the clearer you can see.
Step 1 – Powerless Action Items:
- Practice Meditation
- Make a list of things you’re powerless over. This gives you awareness.
- List the things you will do the next time you become aware you are in a reactive mode.
Billbeez – Finance Made Simple
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