Amends

2:40 pm

All in all, an ok day. Some wierd moments and the usual ups and downs. I meet with my Sponsor tonight (CA) and we continue into steps 10 and 11. Step 9 has been an interesting process. Making amends. I called a former client (acutally she never did become a client, she was an ‘almost’ client) to make sure that I had done my part to set things right. Before we could ever get a chance to work together it escalated into one of these name calling type e-mail exchanges. She was nuts! I really did not want to call her because she really was (probably still is) a whack job! Nevertheless I had to do my part to make sure my “side of the street” was clean. She assured me that as far as she recalled I had logged into her computers and posted some adjustments that her CPA had prepared so based on that all was well. It really wasn’t – there were some pretty ugly things said back and forth. In one e-mail I actually had gone as far as to call her a “whack job”. Back then (a couple of years ago) I did make an amends to her by offering to post those adjustments free of charge. Even though she had said some pretty awful things to me, I am not supposed to concern myself with that. I just have to worry about “my part”. If more of us did this, the world really would be a better place.

Even when I went to handle my side of the street she said some insulting things about the CPA who happens to be someone I am to this day very close with. He’s like a father to me separate and apart from my own father. So naturally I got defensive and once again, things went sideways. In the midst of this I had even challenged her that she was not 100 innocent – she refused to acknowledge it – as if she TRULY had not said a thing. I have no control over her or how she reacts, only over how I handle myself. So I reluctantly made good on my promise, logged in and posted her adjustments.

When I went through my past listing the people I may have harmed, she came up. I suppose I was not quite sure because of the continued e-mail exchanges we had, if I had set things right completely in her eyes. She has now confirmed that I have and then my worst fear (not really worst, but as far as this situation goes) came to pass. She e-mailed asking about bookkeeping services. I felt like replying and saying, “Do you not remember how I wind up insulting you every time we try this?” So I of course went to my Sponsor who of course showed me where to go in the book (Alcoholics Anonymous) to deal with indecision. This was not indecision though. I am very much decided here – I have NO interest in doing any sort of business with this woman. So I replied thinking I might ask around and refer it to someone else. I asked for the particulars and she sent them to me.

This morning it hit me. Why would I want to refer this to someone else and subject THEM to her insanity. I can’t. It would reflect on me. And if she wound up being unhappy for some reason I am sure I would hear about it. So yeah, I’m done here. Einstein’s definition of insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results. Every time I have dealt with this woman I have regretted having done so.

I’m still curious to see what the book says based on what my sponsor suggested but do you think I have read it yet? Tonight I will.

10 pm

So we looked at it tonight. The basic message is if I am not sure what to do, do nothing. In this particular instance it is really simple. I am under no obligation to do anything here. So I literally just have to do nothing.

My wife has offered to split a sorbet with me if I come in right away! Good Night!

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