Dependence = Independence
I realized that I have not posted anything in my personal blog in quite some time and I love this blog so I need to write more often. In my last post, “Lack Of Power Is Our Dilemma” I talked about finding power. If we have done a proper job of that then we’ve found a power greater than any human power and we’ve found it within ourselves by searching fearlessly.
Now that we’ve found love what are we gonna do?
Now that we have found this power- a power which can solve all of our problems then the next step should be obvious. We begin to learn to rely on it. So what does that look like? Well if you’ve ever had any religious training then it looks like prayer. The only difference now might be that we have our own understanding about what this power in our life is. A NEW understanding perhaps, or if the old one of an all powerful G-d works then that works! Otherwise this is what it looks like. You make a simple petition to The Universe, G-d, Sunlight of The Spirit, or whatever you choose to call it, as long as it isn’t YOU! In every situation you do your best to remember to petition this power always asking one simple thing. Show me whom you would have me be in this situation. NOT what you would have me do, but whom you would have me be. There is a big difference. What you would have me do addresses a specific situation on a one time basis. Whom you would have me be addresses my whole entire character – the one I am trying to build. The person I really have always wanted to become.
I’ll be honest with you. Today I am experiencing feelings of anger. I am angry about some things I have no control over. Why did this one do this. Why didn’t the other one do that. I got screwed over in the end and now I am paying for it. Literally and financially and then all of the things that go with the financial stress. Stress I have never had to concern myself with before based on things that other people did and then these were people whom I have shown up for whenever I was called upon for help. So yeah I am angry. I don’t deserve this. I deserve better and now I am out here fighting the good fight every single day for what I know I deserve because I know that I am a good person who genuinely cares and understands what it means to be in constant thought of others.
So where does this dependence come in? Simple. In a few minutes I am going to put my head down. Exhausted I know I will fall asleep quickly and I will fall asleep, finally resting knowing this. That everything that is happening right now is exactly what is supposed to happen. That all of this is just part of the evening up process needed to get me on a level playing ground with whatever miraculous thing is about to happen next. I know this is true. I’ve seen it happen in my own life over and over again too many times to believe otherwise. I will move on. I have moved on and I have even recently provided help to one of the very same people whom I feel has really screwed me this year. It’s ok. I have my part in this. We all play a role in everything that happens to us, least of all the things we did to place us in the position to allow things to happen as they do. In other words, everything that happens to me happens because I allow it to. One thing’s for sure. I don’t make the same mistakes twice. So whom would my inner power have me be in this situation? The same person I have been since they day that I finally made my decision to get clean. The person who never gives up no matter what. The person who sees that others sometimes forget that I was there when they needed me and that this is not my business. My business is to simply continue to show up when I am needed where I am needed. Every so often the places I am needed and the people who need me change. That is what is happening now. A transition and as difficult as things may seem now (and for me right now they are) it is good. Really good. I know this, even though sometimes (like right now) I lose touch with the actual feelings and that’s when it feels like I am alone in this. Like no one is supporting me the way I need. Everyone just wants something from me and no one is prepared to offer anything in return. This is wrong. This is not me in constant thought of others, it is me thinking of me and that is what has to change if I am going to get back to a place where I am feeling good about my place in the world. It has to be about others, not me.
So when I become dependent on a power greater than my own then I am in touch with a power that can solve all of my problems. That is how I gain independence by depending on the one thing that can offer me that.